Side Effects Not Typical

January 13, 2010

Fox Broadcasting Company

P.O. Box 900

Attn: The Big Cheese

Beverly Hills, CA 90213-0900

Dear Mr. Calemczuk,

Before you think I’m just another weirdo with too much time on her hands, I just want you to know that I have never missed an episode of American Idol. Not a single one!

Even when I had surgery on my deviated septum, I made sure that the nurses taped the show for me at the hospital. It’s a good thing, too—it was the first time Sanjaya changed his hair!

At any rate, I’m writing to you because my mom says I need to get a job and move out of the house. I know you have a lot of smart people that work for you at Fox, so I want you to know that I did get my G.E.D.! I took the test the summer after season two was over, but I didn’t pass because I didn’t study that much and I was having a little trouble with my weight, which was kind of bad for my confidence. But then I buckled down and I started taking hydroxycut and I lost a lot of weight and I took the test again when season three was finished.

Guess what? I passed!

And I know that Paula Abdul left the show, and I heard that Ellen was taking her place, but then I had a thought: who knows more about Idol than I do? Nobody does, that’s who!

So I thought that I’d write to you about a job as one of the judges, and I appreciate your time in considering my request.


Abbey Tinsdale, Yulee, Florida

P.S. I’m so glad that you guys started running those Xanax commercials during the show! I’ve been on the stuff for over a month now and the “flip-outs” (that’s what my mom calls them) are almost totally gone!


Aaron Polson said...

Maybe I need some Xanax... You know, just to "smooth things out" a bit.

Or maybe not.

Daniel W. Powell said...

Ha! I watched this show one night last year, and I was just stunned by how many prescription drug commercials they aired. We will have an entire generation of tweens that see the only way to happiness is through a tiny pill.


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