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8.05.2011

Side Effects Not Typical

January 20, 2010

Fox Broadcasting Company

P.O. Box 900

Attn: El Grande Enchilada

Beverly Hills, CA 90213-0900

Dear Mr. Calemczuk,

Well, I lost my job. One of the twins choked a little bit on a Lego block and I missed it because I was asleep. The funny thing is, I was dreaming about little Dory (that’s her name; her brother’s name is Cory—cool, huh?) choking on a Lego block when it happened! Really strange coincidence. Anyway, outside of turning a little blue, Dory is just fine, but they don’t want me working there anymore. It’s unfair, I think, because I paid such close attention to those kids that it made me really tired and everything, but oh well, right?

I was watching Idol last night and it occurred to me: I actually have restless leg syndrome! I wasn’t sure about it until I saw those commercials, which explains a lot, by the way. Before I dropped out of school, I’d just sit there in class and look out the window at the trees and the birds and the squirrels and things, and my legs would just be bouncing around like they were putting out a fire down there under my desk! I swear, I thought the devil was in me. It was like I was one of those crazy Russian dancers that can almost sit down before they kick their legs out like a New York City Rockette!

I made an appointment to see Doctor Collins this afternoon. I hope I can get a prescription for Mirapex. I’d hate to be under the lights when auditions are over and we’re back in Hollywood and then—BAM!—out of nowhere I start doing the Charleston underneath the table because I wasn’t properly medicated.

How embarrassing!

Well, I still haven’t heard from you sir, and I think my parents are getting a little nervous about having me in the house. If you could let me know how to meet up with Simon and Randy and the rest of them as soon as possible, I’ll tell the wolf that’s been staying in my closet to just go away. I’ll tell him I have a job and responsibilities and that he should go bother someone else.

I can’t believe they put that Kendra chick through to Hollywood! You can tell that she tans in the salon, and everyone knows that’s just not healthy.

Respectfully Yours,

Abbey Tinsdale, Yulee, Florida

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