Side Effects Not Typical

January 27, 2010

Fox Broadcasting Company

P.O. Box 900

Attn: The Top Dog

Beverly Hills, CA 90213-0900

Dear Mr. Calemczuk,

Thanks so much for the autographed picture of Randy! He’s really slimming down, isn’t he? Wowee, what a cutie-pie!

Also, I didn’t see an application in the packet you sent. Do you need me to fill anything out? I’m asking because I could really use this job, Mr. Calemczuk. Unfortunately (ha, ha!), I’ve lost a little bit of money. I’ve been betting on the NBA lately. Don’t ask me why, though, because I’m not a huge sports fan. But still, I thought the Nets had cool uniforms so I put a nickel on them. Honestly, who knew the Lakers had the league’s best record?

And talk about your meltdown! Dad hasn’t spoken to me in days. I used some of the money he and my mom had been putting aside for a trip to Barbados. But I can get it back. I know I can. The Hawks are playing in Miami tonight, and their road uniforms are just adorable!

Who picks the drug commercials you guys have been showing on your show? I only ask because I’ve never felt this good! The Xanax helps me calm down, the Lunesta puts me to sleep and the Mirapex controls those pesky crazy legs.

I’ve also taken your recommendation and started a regimen of Latanoprost to help with my glaucoma. I didn’t realize things were getting so blurry with my vision, but this stuff has really sharpened it all up for me.

Thanks again for the picture of Randy. Tell him I can’t wait to meet him in person!

Sincerely,

Abbey Tinsdale, Yulee, Florida

P.S. You really need to do more of the production numbers! You can just tell how much the contestants love each other when they get to sing together like that!