Side Effects Not Typical

February 03, 2010

Fox Broadcasting Company

P.O. Box 900

Attn: The Super Big Banana!

Beverly Hills, CA 90213-0900

Dear Mr. Calemczuk,

Well, I won’t lie to you sir.

I’m a little nervous.

I was watching one of your news shows and Sarah Palin leaned out of the television and spoke to me!

“God’s chosen ones will assume leadership over the race of men, and the Earth will be ruled by the strong willed, you betcha!” she said. Mr. Calemczuk, she was staring right at me! “And you will know God’s chosen ones by the color of their eyes!”

“Oh Sarah!” I shouted at the television set. “What color are they?”

She leaned forward, pointed to her own eyes, winked at me, and said “Brown! The chosen ones will have brown eyes!”

Well, I almost fainted, Mr. Calemczuk. You see, I have blue eyes! My legs got to twitching and I felt all kinds of muscle pains (my fibromyalgia gets particularly bad in the winter) and I could barely get myself to the bathroom without having an accident (thank you, Vesicare!). I looked in the mirror and, lo and behold, my eyes are brown!

It’s an honest to goodness miracle!

I’m in! Please thank Sarah for me, and keep up the good work over there.


Abbey Tinsdale,

P.S. I don’t mean to be pushy, but do you have any news about the job?


jessibeaucoup said...

I've really been enjoying this 'series' - shared it on Facebook this morning:).

Daniel W. Powell said...

Hi Jess,

Thanks for getting the word out. I wrote these after seeing how many prescription drugs were advertised one night while watching Idol.

It blew me away!

Their target market is tweens, and these kids are going to grow up thinking they are insanely broken and that they need drugs to maintain!

Hope things are going well at Deuces Wild! I'm playing when I get home to Portland in December!

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