February 03, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: The Super Big Banana!
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Well, I won’t lie to you sir.
I’m a little nervous.
I was watching one of your news shows and Sarah Palin leaned out of the television and spoke to me!
“God’s chosen ones will assume leadership over the race of men, and the Earth will be ruled by the strong willed, you betcha!” she said. Mr. Calemczuk, she was staring right at me! “And you will know God’s chosen ones by the color of their eyes!”
“Oh Sarah!” I shouted at the television set. “What color are they?”
She leaned forward, pointed to her own eyes, winked at me, and said “Brown! The chosen ones will have brown eyes!”
Well, I almost fainted, Mr. Calemczuk. You see, I have blue eyes! My legs got to twitching and I felt all kinds of muscle pains (my fibromyalgia gets particularly bad in the winter) and I could barely get myself to the bathroom without having an accident (thank you, Vesicare!). I looked in the mirror and, lo and behold, my eyes are brown!
It’s an honest to goodness miracle!
I’m in! Please thank Sarah for me, and keep up the good work over there.
P.S. I don’t mean to be pushy, but do you have any news about the job?