Radio address broadcast on KKID 1430 A.M., Jacksonville, Florida, October 31, 2007 at 12:34 p.m.:
Tonight's the night, folks. The zombie revolution starts right here in northern Duval County (and you said we never made the news) when the sun goes down over Florida this evening. Officials from the World Health Organization have predicted a global epidemic of senseless hunger and unchecked decay.
The city of Jacksonville is converting a number of hurricane shelters into ZPZs, or Zombie Preparedness Zones.
Citizens have been advised to remain indoors after sundown, but you know how Floridians respond to evacuation warnings. If Star Wormwood enters our atmosphere, as astronomers predict, at 5:39 p.m.EST and parents don't advise their children to be wary of the lurching, stumbling undead, a catastrophe of epic proportions awaits us when the sun comes up in the morning.
Our advice? Lay in some provisions and throw on a couple of creature features folks. And make sure you don't sit next to any windows...