Welcome to the journal of writer Daniel Powell. Movies, books, and the occasional discussion of life and family...
8.30.2011
8.29.2011
8.27.2011
The Jaguars Make Me Cry
8.24.2011
Some Film Reviews...
8.16.2011
When is a Six-Iron like a Story?
8.10.2011
Side Effects Not Typical
February 12, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: The Super Big Banana!
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to withdraw my name as a candidate for employment with Fox. I only get to send one letter a week, but I wanted to let you know that I won’t be able to join the show, at least for this season.
I’m in the
I could never do what they say I did. It’s not in my nature, not at all.
You know the worst part of all this? They took away my meds. In a week, I’ll be back to square one. I can already feel the change, and I just missed one day! My legs, my bladder, my eyes, my muscles—all of it is going to shit, Emiliano!
I can still watch the show in here. They let us have two hours of television privileges each night. Just enough to keep my streak alive!
It’ll be hard watching all those ads, knowing how I’m falling apart in here. Oh, well. Mother’s holding on in the ICU, so maybe it won’t be long until I get out of here after all.
I thought you deserved prompt notice, Mr. Calemczuk. I know Ellen has done a fantastic job, but if you need a replacement in the future, I encourage you to look to your fan base.
Believe me, Mr. Calemczuk, there are thousands of girls out there just like me.
Maybe even millions!
Sincerely,
8.09.2011
Side Effects Not Typical
February 03, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: The Super Big Banana!
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Well, I won’t lie to you sir.
I’m a little nervous.
I was watching one of your news shows and Sarah Palin leaned out of the television and spoke to me!
“God’s chosen ones will assume leadership over the race of men, and the Earth will be ruled by the strong willed, you betcha!” she said. Mr. Calemczuk, she was staring right at me! “And you will know God’s chosen ones by the color of their eyes!”
“Oh Sarah!” I shouted at the television set. “What color are they?”
She leaned forward, pointed to her own eyes, winked at me, and said “Brown! The chosen ones will have brown eyes!”
Well, I almost fainted, Mr. Calemczuk. You see, I have blue eyes! My legs got to twitching and I felt all kinds of muscle pains (my fibromyalgia gets particularly bad in the winter) and I could barely get myself to the bathroom without having an accident (thank you, Vesicare!). I looked in the mirror and, lo and behold, my eyes are brown!
It’s an honest to goodness miracle!
I’m in! Please thank Sarah for me, and keep up the good work over there.
Sincerely,
Abbey Tinsdale,
P.S. I don’t mean to be pushy, but do you have any news about the job?
8.07.2011
Side Effects Not Typical
January 27, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: The Top Dog
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Thanks so much for the autographed picture of Randy! He’s really slimming down, isn’t he? Wowee, what a cutie-pie!
Also, I didn’t see an application in the packet you sent. Do you need me to fill anything out? I’m asking because I could really use this job, Mr. Calemczuk. Unfortunately (ha, ha!), I’ve lost a little bit of money. I’ve been betting on the NBA lately. Don’t ask me why, though, because I’m not a huge sports fan. But still, I thought the Nets had cool uniforms so I put a nickel on them. Honestly, who knew the Lakers had the league’s best record?
And talk about your meltdown! Dad hasn’t spoken to me in days. I used some of the money he and my mom had been putting aside for a trip to
Who picks the drug commercials you guys have been showing on your show? I only ask because I’ve never felt this good! The Xanax helps me calm down, the Lunesta puts me to sleep and the Mirapex controls those pesky crazy legs.
I’ve also taken your recommendation and started a regimen of Latanoprost to help with my glaucoma. I didn’t realize things were getting so blurry with my vision, but this stuff has really sharpened it all up for me.
Thanks again for the picture of Randy. Tell him I can’t wait to meet him in person!
Sincerely,
Abbey Tinsdale,
P.S. You really need to do more of the production numbers! You can just tell how much the contestants love each other when they get to sing together like that!
8.05.2011
Side Effects Not Typical
January 20, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: El Grande Enchilada
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Well, I lost my job. One of the twins choked a little bit on a Lego block and I missed it because I was asleep. The funny thing is, I was dreaming about little Dory (that’s her name; her brother’s name is Cory—cool, huh?) choking on a Lego block when it happened! Really strange coincidence. Anyway, outside of turning a little blue, Dory is just fine, but they don’t want me working there anymore. It’s unfair, I think, because I paid such close attention to those kids that it made me really tired and everything, but oh well, right?
I was watching Idol last night and it occurred to me: I actually have restless leg syndrome! I wasn’t sure about it until I saw those commercials, which explains a lot, by the way. Before I dropped out of school, I’d just sit there in class and look out the window at the trees and the birds and the squirrels and things, and my legs would just be bouncing around like they were putting out a fire down there under my desk! I swear, I thought the devil was in me. It was like I was one of those crazy Russian dancers that can almost sit down before they kick their legs out like a
I made an appointment to see Doctor Collins this afternoon. I hope I can get a prescription for Mirapex. I’d hate to be under the lights when auditions are over and we’re back in
How embarrassing!
Well, I still haven’t heard from you sir, and I think my parents are getting a little nervous about having me in the house. If you could let me know how to meet up with Simon and Randy and the rest of them as soon as possible, I’ll tell the wolf that’s been staying in my closet to just go away. I’ll tell him I have a job and responsibilities and that he should go bother someone else.
I can’t believe they put that Kendra chick through to
Respectfully Yours,
8.04.2011
Side Effects Not Typical
January 16, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: The Head Honcho
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Well, it’s been a few days and I haven’t heard from you, so I thought I’d try another letter. Can you believe how mean Simon was on Wednesday? I mean really, that girl was trying very hard and he made her cry on national t.v.! It’s not her fault she has to live in
I love Simon to death, but I think he really needs someone like me up there on stage who can shoulder some of that responsibility. I read an article in US Weekly that said that he has a hard time falling asleep at night.
Has Simon tried using that Lunesta stuff that you guys have been advertising (that butterfly is SO cute!)? A lot of the girls in my support group take it and I’ve been on it for a little while. It’s really great—I go out like a light every night.
Mom’s trying to get me to quit the stuff, ever since she found me in the yard raking leaves at 3:30 in the morning. I actually don’t remember it happening, if you can believe that! Dad, thank God, told her to get off my case. He thinks it’s awesome that I’m “pitching in” around here.
And believe me,
I’ve been making some extra money babysitting our neighbor’s twins, so I don’t need a decision like right away. But soon would be nice, because my parents have been really critical lately and I’d like to show them that I can take care of myself.
Thanks again for your time.
Sincerely,
Abbey Tinsdale,
P.S. Is there any chance you guys will be doing a swing through
8.03.2011
Side Effects Not Typical
January 13, 2010
Fox Broadcasting Company
Attn: The Big Cheese
Dear Mr. Calemczuk,
Before you think I’m just another weirdo with too much time on her hands, I just want you to know that I have never missed an episode of American Idol. Not a single one!
Even when I had surgery on my deviated septum, I made sure that the nurses taped the show for me at the hospital. It’s a good thing, too—it was the first time Sanjaya changed his hair!
At any rate, I’m writing to you because my mom says I need to get a job and move out of the house. I know you have a lot of smart people that work for you at Fox, so I want you to know that I did get my G.E.D.! I took the test the summer after season two was over, but I didn’t pass because I didn’t study that much and I was having a little trouble with my weight, which was kind of bad for my confidence. But then I buckled down and I started taking hydroxycut and I lost a lot of weight and I took the test again when season three was finished.
Guess what? I passed!
And I know that Paula Abdul left the show, and I heard that Ellen was taking her place, but then I had a thought: who knows more about Idol than I do? Nobody does, that’s who!
So I thought that I’d write to you about a job as one of the judges, and I appreciate your time in considering my request.
Sincerely,
Abbey Tinsdale,
8.01.2011
On the Debt Ceiling...
February Reviews: Gray Mountain, John Grisham
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It doesn't get much more depressing than this story . Many years ago (like three or four) it would have been unheard of for kids this yo...
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I enjoy John Grisham's books very much and I usually knock out a couple per year. I have read three so far in 2024, and his writing is...